Dude, babies are a lot of work.
The first month of living in babyworld was a total blur. I mean, it was constant. Every 3 hours, it was time to feed. Feeding took an hour or an hour and a half. It was intense and tough. I felt like i was going through a meat grinder like in the beginning of You Can’t Do That On Television!
And man, do those babies grow fast. They’re like those incredible growing sponges that blow up into huge dinosaur shapes when you get them wet. You know, i’ve never paid attention to their growth spurts in relation to bath time. Huh.
So as soon as we got into a pattern, i had to go back to work. Then when we adjusted again, the babies got sick. That sucked. Coughing and sneezing coming out of tiny mouths. Babies not eating, and spitting up most of what they did. They were sick for close to 2 weeks, and our only recourse was to use a humidifier with some Vicks in it. I swear, that’s like trying to put out a fire by throwing ice at it.
So they’re past the cold, but i still have to deal with the occassional baby volcano. Often without provocation or warning, white hot milk lava will come erupting from their tiny little pieholes. I know exactly what the town of Pompeii experienced when i’m covered in hot, thick, gooey babymilk. It’s devastating and disgusting, which there is only one cure – bathtime for baby and me.
I also have to endure when the babies go all jimmylegs apeshit. A weird phenomenon, it sometimes happens when they’re hungry. Worse when it happens while i’m feeding them. They’ve got the jimmy legs and jimmy arms and start flailing all around, total apeshit. I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish. Do they think they’re swimming? Under attack? Making snow angels? Those stupid babies don’t even know what snow is yet! This is dangerous, because those babies are kind of tough. I don’t know how – they’re so small. I guess it’s kind of like the chihuahua thing, the dog is so small it has to be extra tough and mean to survive. Do i have chihuahua babies? Chihuahua babies making invisible snow angels? Is this something they’ll grow out of? Will i have to worry about them snarling and barking in kindergarten? Knocking all the legos on the ground, and using their jimmylegs to make lego angels, in the middle of naptime?
Dude, babies are a lot of work.
I thought we were over jimmylegs apeshit, but somehow they’ve reared their head again during diaper changes these days. WTF?
Ah, the brightside of this time is that because of sleep deprivation you will only have vague memories of it a few years down the road.
Haha! What WM said. When they start knocking you down when you come home from work, you’ll be looking at your wife saying, ‘Honey, can we be waist deep in kids?’