Facebook Parenting

Apologies for my site being down.  I got hit by spammers hardcore.

Also apologies to anyone who’s my facebook friend – you’ll think this post is horsecrap.

Anyway, remember those many weeks when i didn’t update because i was too busy and sleep deprived and because, well, there’s no easy way to say this,  i love my babies a lot more than you (yes you, specifically)?  I was updating facebook at the time.  So i though i’d fill in the missing gap by posting all of my baby related facebook statuses.  Hooray for new content without having to write anything!

7/17
Joe Long has babies.

7/19
Joe Long ‘s girl Cordy will be in the NICU still saturday but is doing well

7/20
Joe Long might get Cordy home sooner than saturday!

7/20
Joe Long is feeding his little pumpkin while mommy’s visiting jellybean in the NICU.

7/20
Joe Long thinks you should call the cops, because these babies have stolen my heart.

7/21
Joe Long is feeding Jules at 2am while watching Sliders on hulu. Good life.

7/21
Joe Long is a little cranky because Jules kept him up till 5.

7/22
Joe Long got good burps out of Jules tonight.

7/24
Joe Long just got 5 hours of straight sleep because Juliette is such a good girl.

7/24
Joe Long Cordy is 5lbs 1.1oz! She can come home Sunday!!

7/25
Joe Long is bringing Cordy home tomorrow.

7/26
Joe Long finally has both his girls home!

7/27
Joe Long is sitting in bed singing Ramones songs to his ladies.

7/30
Joe Long is singing the freddy kruger song to his girls. One Two Cordy’s coming for you…

8/2
Joe Long would kill a man for a solid 8 hours of sleep.

8/3
Joe Long is playing music for the girls, alternating between punk & vivaldi, hoping this will insipire them to grow up to be brilliant criminal masterminds bent on worldwide anarchy. Maybe they can buy daddy an island.

8/4
Joe Long dislikes wiping shit out of tiny vaginas.

8/8
Joe Long was changing Cordy, with her butt in the air, then Cordy managed to pee on her own face.

8/12
Joe Long has determined one of his kids looks like an elf, and the other a hobbit. Does that make me Gandalf? YOU SHALL NOT PASS STOOL!

8/16
Joe Long got a ton of formula spit up on him at 4am, and has had only 4 hours sleep. Chicken McAwesome.

8/17
Joe Long Jules puked up her milk last night – on to Cordy. So that was fun, at 3am.

8/18
Joe Long thinks people who only have to deal with 1 screaming baby in the middle of the night are pansies.

8/18
Joe Long is rubbing athlete’s foot creme on his baby’s raw ass.

8/21
Joe Long is singing Tommy the Cat to his babies.

8/22
Joe Long dislikes projectile vomiting on early saturday mornings.

8/22
Joe Long doesn’t get it. If you’re not done with the pacifier, don’t push it out of your mouth.

8/25
Joe Long loves and hates 4am feedings. Has to wake up at 4am, but gets quiet alone time with his girls.

8/25
Joe Long is delighted his babies took a break from their 3 hour eating schedule and have instead decided to eat a little bit every 45 minutes.

8/31
Joe Long dislikes diapers so bad they lead to immediate bath time.

9/1
Joe Long just exceeded the recommended dosage of sudafed as he’s discovering the joys of being sick with twins.

9/3
Joe Long has babyspit on his shirt and babyshit on his shorts. And doesn’t even care anymore.

9/6
Joe Long is seeing how the babies’ first night in the nursery will work out.

9/7
Joe Long dislikes angry baby milk volcanos.

9/8
Joe Long’s nose picking skills finally came in handy, to clean out his baby’s nose goblins.

9/10
Joe Long is replacing a laptop motherboard and feeding a baby at the same time. Yes, he’s that good.

9/12
Joe Long hates sick babies

9/12
Joe Long thinks he just wiped his nose with the same tissue he used to wipe spit up milk from jules’ face.

9/20
Joe Long’s baby is doing her best impression of Mt Vesuvius.

9/24
Joe Long is feeding Pumpkin but she’s kinda going all jimmy legs apeshit.

9/26
Joe Long took his babies to their first horror convention!

9/26
Joe Long disliked having to say, “there’s no way to get this onesie off without getting shit all over her head.”