So there i was in the middle of Target making googley eyes to the babies, and my wife says to the 8yo, ‘hey let’s look at training bras.’ Great. As if i didn’t have enough to deal with, the kid is pushing into new frontiers. It’s like she’s going all Oregon Trail on me, only instead of me dying of dysentery, she’s going to drown me in hormones and woman issues.
What am i supposed to do with this? I’m still working on her trying to find her shoes in the morning without going all apeshit, and now i have to worry about boob issues? My plate is already full, but life is slopping a big helping of developing woman parts on there anyway?
She asked me a question about her bras, or boobs, or something. I swear i don’t remember what it was, because i just blocked it out. I tried, in a nice way, to explain that some questions were mommy-only questions, because i just didn’t have those same parts. So i had no clue. This is tough for me because i’m used to either having or faking the answers to everything. I’ve decided though not to even bother entering this realm.
I mean, i’m not even sure what a training bra is for. Does it really train your boobs to do something? Is it important for development? For protection? Does it really do anything? Does she need it for gym class? Like when she’s jumping rope, is that what it’s for? These are all of course questions i have, but don’t really want the answers. I really don’t.
And jesus, i have two more girls growing up. That’s four more boobs. It’s like an a-cup army, small and slowly growing impending doom. I feel like Sauron, and there’s all these tiny little things hanging around my house bent on destroying me. The Fellowship of the Training Bras, with their One Bra Strap to bring me and in the darkness bind me. In land of Women Parts where shadows lie. Ugh.
I’m ignoring this whole development and going back to solving the problems that i can, like homework, diapers, and whether to watch iCarly or Wizards of Waverly Place (uh, iCarly, totally). None of these things involve me answering boob questions.
That is, i guess, until iCarly has a ‘very special episode.’ But then it’s that bitch Miranda Cosgrove’s responsibility. Not it.
sports bras are for gym/exercise or whatever….they kinda smash em down a bit to keep them from bouncing up and down and hurting like an SOB afterward. hope that at least answers one question lol
Sounds like fun times! You SHOULD just make stuff up. IMPORTANT stuff. . .stuff like – if a boy ever touches those things (before you turn 18) then they’ll develop teeth and chomp his hand off. Y’know? Stuff like THAT. Have a good time swimming in a world of pink flowers and tulle!
it isn’t fair is it? we spend all our time learning how to take em off… and then that’s it… we’re only expected to know how to unhook one with one hand, and we’ve even gotten good at it! (well, i have, anyway…) and now you have to figure out how to put one on??? totally not fair…
When my hubby helps with the laundry and comes across a bra that isn’t mine he freaks out.
Eventually he would just pretend that they are all mine and chooses to live in denial that his little girls will ever grow to be more than 6 years old.
My father would sympathize. He had six daughters and three step daughters. Talk about Oregon Trail . . .
Training bras in small girls are used more for the girl to get used to the idea of having to be sentenced to one the res of her life [yes it is a sentence]. Sports bras are for keeping the girls in, together and as lifeless as possible.
I am fearing the bra stage myself just because I am all tomboy and worried bout my girls dealing with my BIG boob issues seeing as they are my daughters and all. Good luck down the path of hormonal tag teams and the impending armies. 
“The Fellowship of the Training Bras” = LMAO! Dude, I have three girls too–weirdness to follow for sure.
All you people with girls continue to scare me into thinking one kid is enough. I just don’t know if I can risk having these type problems.
Yeah but, if i get too thick into girl problems, i can just make my wife deal with them. You know if your kid has a testicle problem, you’re the go-to guy. Sorry Otter!
According to my Womens Studies class, bras are an instrument of the MALE SOCIETY TRYING TO BRING US DOWN.
I think training bras are there to make young girls excited about getting older and the things that come with getting older (ie boobs, if they are lucky). Soon she will be learning how to shave her legs. When I look back on some of that excitement I had then, I realize what a fool I was…